I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
