Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize