yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
