You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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