the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
are you so shy because you have an std?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
