i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
