dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
