I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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