its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
