Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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