just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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