Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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