New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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