You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
