i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
