I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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