I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
