All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
