the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My penis needs a shock collar
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
