you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
