remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
