Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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