the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
