Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I could fuck to npr.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
