You made me cry and you don't even care
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
