she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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