I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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