I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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