Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
