I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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