Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
