It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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