I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Farmville is her only friend.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
