I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
