new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Houston, we have a squirter
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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