New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
