Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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