even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
