You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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