Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
