i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize