I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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