I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
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