She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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