Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
