peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
whose ass print is on the piano?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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