If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
