when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
