I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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