just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
