I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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