i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
