but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
