very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
