It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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