I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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