Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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