I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
