Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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