ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
