just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
