i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
