i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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