My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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