Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
