He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
