So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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