I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
We named our party play list daddy issues
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
