Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I checked into jail on foursquare
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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