my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
