I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
