I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
