I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
