Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize