whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
